I have known my friend Claire for years (she asked that her last name not be used). So, I remember the shock I felt three years ago when I found out that she had breast cancer. Malignant breast cancer, we whispered to ourselves. Claire had been teaching English for Dole Fruit in Honduras. She came home that summer, and she never went back, even though she had another year left in her contract. Even though we have talked about her experiences over the years, we had never done so formally before she agreed to talk to me for this Survivor Spotlight. She came over and I poured her coffee (black) and we went out back to my studio/office to chat.

How did you find out you had breast cancer?

I went in for a routine mammogram. I had been having mammograms for about the past ten years or so. But I missed the previous year! So, after I found out that I had cancer, I was mortified that I had forgotten the previous year. But actually, I had a benign cyst years earlier, when I was younger and hadn't gone through as much. That was actually much scarier.

How did you find out it was malignant?

Needle biopsy. But I had warning -- the radiologist was pretty sure it was bad, so he gave me warning. The biopsy was just to make sure.

What were your treatments?

I had a lumpectomy. (She showed me her scar, which just looked like a little dent in her breast, at the top). Then I had a pretty standard treatment of two rounds of chemotherapy and radiation. Then, I did a year of Herceptin. I was really lucky because it was new then. In fact, my doctors didn't think my insurance company would go for it, but I had such good insurance. They said, "Absolutely, anything." I had a particularly aggressive type of cancer, and special receptors. The Herceptin goes right to the HER2 receptor and there are no side effects. We called it the Not-Chemo, because it doesn't break down your system. Though, I had Ativan for the nauseau for the chemo, and it worked great.

Did you smoke pot?

No.

So, how did you tell your family you had breast cancer?

(Laughs) Oh, the usual for me. I called them [her two sons, Logan and Morgan; Claire is a widow] on the phone and said, "Bad news, but not to worry!"

[Author's note: Claire is young to be a widow-- only 56-- but her husband had a serious double brainstem stroke and eventually died from complications more than 10 years ago. And her experiences dealing with her husband's illness definitely colored her experiences with breast cancer and her entire outlook.]

I think it affected Logan [Claire's younger son, both are in their 20's] more strongly than it affected you. I remember asking him how you were doing, and he responded with your family's typical optimism, but there was a definite edge to it.

Oh, definitely. Well, the kids were dealing with the fact that they had already lost one parent...

But again, I was really lucky. Dole bought my second-year contract, and I had an income from them that entire year. Also, my kids were grown, I was single, and I really had no obligations or responsibilities to anyone. So, I didn't have to work that entire year I was on Herceptin.

So, what did you do that year?

I read mystery novels that friends gave me. And I just spent a lot of time on myself, with myself.

What kind of research did you do about breast cancer after you were diagnosed?

(Laughs) I didn't really do any research. I was really in denial. I had two friends who did research for me, and I just kind of listened to them. But also, I just really trusted my doctors and did everything they told me to do.

What kind of follow-up do you still have to do?

I am back on my regular mammogram schedule, but I have this blood anomaly (too many white blood cells), so I still see my doctor every 4 months, and he may do cancer checks. (Laughs) I don't really know. The survivor rate, they told me, was 90%. The cancer hadn't spread to my lymph nodes, and to tell you the truth? I really did all the chemo and radiation to humor my doctors. I think they got it all with the lumpectomy. My doctor may disagree with that.

What kind of advice would you give to other people who are diagnosed with cancer?

Find a doctor you can trust and get along with. Don't put up with someone you can't communicate with or don't like. Also, plan to spend a lot of time on yourself. Take the time you need. Also, listen to people who are starting to say that cancer is curable or something that you live with. That is more and more true.

Of course, the week after a mammogram is tense. And waiting for diagnoses and tests is just one of the horrors of life that we all go through. But I had gone through so much of that already with [my husband], and that was so much harder.

You shaved your head before you started chemo. Do you think that is typical? Who told you to do that?

They recommended at the doctor's office that I do it, because it's just too depressing and too awful to watch it fall out in the shower. I thought I would have a harder time with it than I did. I went in alone and told my hairdresser -- I think she had a hard time with it. She didn't let me watch. She kept my face away from the mirror. But when I finally saw, I thought, "I look like Morgan!" [her oldest son]. I didn't realize how much he looked like me before that! (Laughs)

You wore scarves a lot ... Was that to make other people feel more comfortable?

Yes. I actually really liked being bald. Well, it was cold in the winter. I was bald for about seven months. Some forms of chemo don't make you lose your hair, but the chemo for breast cancer is quite aggressive.

Did you lose weight?

Yes. About 17 pounds. At the time, people told me I looked awful, but I didn't feel like I did. You know, about the worse side effect is what some people call Chemo Brain. For about a year after I finished treatment, I couldn't make a coherent sentence, or remember the name of a book or a movie, so when I started teaching again, that was really noticeable. I thought I was just rusty after taking a year off, but now, looking back, I really think I had Chemo Brain.

Do you think of yourself as a cancer survivor? Has this changed your outlook?

No, no, I really don't. I think it's denial again (laughs). Well, okay, not a single day goes by that I don't think that I could get cancer. But I was like that before I got cancer. But my mother had four different kinds of cancer, including breast, and she lived until she was in her eighties. My father had lung cancer, and I think that ultimately killed him ... ten years later, at age 82. There's nothing you can do about it. You can't let it rule your life. It hasn't changed or defined me. I really think that I just have this ... optimism ... that kind of permeates everything. And I think stress can just make it worse. It's more like something that happened. And now? It's done.